Understand What Sex Does to Your Brain
By: Daniel Amen, M.D.
You're sitting behind the wheel of your van at an everlasting traffic light. The only thing slower than the traffic is your perception of time's passage.
Then you notice her.
She appears at the curb, waiting to cross. No, she's not the love of your life. She's more like the heat of the moment. It's fortunate that your wife isn't there, otherwise you'd be in deep trouble as you take in the stranger's hips and breasts, and the way her waist scoops in to accentuate both. Time is enhanced; there's a pleasing buzz connecting your temples.
Your reaction is automatic, reflexive, and quite possibly the most powerful one you'll have this day. It temporarily blots out your long-range commitments—that 10-year marriage, that kid in second grade, that responsibility to keep eyes forward at traffic lights. You've surrendered control; you're captivated by the pleasure in the vision.
"You dog!" you may whisper under your breath, embarrassed by what you're envisioning as you sit there in your family van. But it might be more correct to say, "You dopamine fiend!" As a neuroscientist of 25 years, I know that your brain is command central for everything sexual.
When you spot the object of your desire, the neurotransmitter dopamine lights up areas deep within the brain, triggering feelings of pleasure, motivation, and reward. (Cocaine acts the same way.) You feel a rush, and your heartbeat quickens. Attraction, too, is a powerful drug. The brain stem also gets into the act, releasing phenylethylamine (PEA), which speeds up the flow of information between nerve cells. It's no wonder your neck and eyeballs track her every movement.
But she's not gawking back at you, and it's not just because you're driving a family bus with a paint scrape on the fender. Her brain acts very differently from yours. You're keyed in to beauty, shape, fantasy, and obsession; on some biological level that she may be unaware of, she's trolling for a mate who will sire healthy children and protect and provide for her and them. And yes, maybe even buy them a family van.
Her goals are programmed for the long range; yours are often shockingly short term, right up to and including thoughts of pedestrianophilia. And she knows it, which is why she presses those short-term buttons shotgun-style: She never knows when a suitable mate might be looking.
The whole encounter can leave you quivering with pleasure, hoping for more.
It can also hijack and ruin your life.
And between the "walk" and "don't walk" signals of delight and disaster, your brain is sorting information, making choices, spurring actions. But you don't want to passively accept all that, especially because your whole life is riding on the choices you make.
That's where I come in. I know the brain processes behind the temptations, and I can help you steer clear of trouble. After all, that woman in the crosswalk could help you realize your destiny, or derail it entirely. All the more reason to get to know that big sex organ between your ears so you can control the smaller, less important one between your legs
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